Wednesday, April 06, 2011

GUEST POST: IF I RAN THINGS

Today’s guest post is from Metsgrrl.com reader Brad Jasper

I always get so jealous when I see fans of other baseball teams tweeting these hilarious promotional commercials starring the team’s players and mascots.  It’s usually some clever inside joke or a humorous language barrier issue amongst the players that really hypes the fan base.  Personally, I love these commercials, after all, it’s only a game and we should constantly remind ourselves that it should be fun to play and fun to watch.  So here I am, an outsider, watching these commercials laughing at what I think is the punch line, but deep down I am wishing that my team, the team that plays in the media capital of the world, could have these types of commercials.

Don’t get me wrong.  SNY, CITI and the Mets usually do a great job getting us fans hyped for games, but the type of comical commercial mentioned above, I feel, they have really let fall by the wayside.  A few years ago there was a slew of really awesome ticket sale commercials.  Mr. Met as the T-shirt sniper… Mr. Met golfing from home plate…  Tracking his speed with the radar gun… Whittling wood bats into miniature animals etc.  They were so clever because it was all about Mr. Met being so bored with the team being out of town, just like all us fans.

Last season I wished for Mr. Met commercials that featured him getting involved and interacting with everyday fans all around New York City.  For the most part my wish was granted.  SNY and CITI produced a few commercials, there’s one with the girl getting her nails done in Mets colors.  Then there’s the one with the conference room Met faithfuls that basically runs on a loop lately.  I like these commercials, but that was last year and “THIS YEAR IS NOW” so to speak.  I propose that SNY go in a different direction this season.  I would like to see NEW Mr. Met commercials that are opponent specific in order to get fans pumped for each upcoming series.  What do I mean??  Glad you asked…

I’ll pitch (pro-bono) the promotional TV spots right now. Let’s go through the schedule.

• The Marlins:  Mr. Met stomps around in a circle he violently waves his hands in the air.  The camera pulls out to reveal that he is at the aquarium or a pet store trying to taunt the fish in a big tank.
• The Phillies: Mr. Met is served a platter full of Philly cheese steaks.  He begins loading them into the T-Shirt cannon.  He grabs the cannon turns and aims down the site.  Cheese steak mush is rocketed all over a poster of the Philly Phanatic.
• The Nationals: A political ad.. Mr. Met runs for some kind of head of state office position under the platform of beating the Nationals.  I’m Mr. Met and I approve this message.  (captions of course)
• The Rockies: Mr. Met scales a mountain maybe even a rock climbing wall (to save on cost) and gets to the top and plants a Mets flag as he admires the view from the top of the mountain.
• The Braves:  Mr. Met standing over a cradle in the hospital.  (The triumphant return of baby Met) The name written on the card is “Turner”… A play on Chipper Jones naming his son “Shea,” in hopes that the Mets will have some kind of new found luck at Turner Field.
• The Astros: Mr. Met the scientist..  Dressed in full lab coat garb is assembling a model rocket with the Astros logo.  He gets it out in to the parking lot and counts down to the launch, he pushes the big red button and nothing happens.  He pushes it again and still nothing.  He goes and grabs the rocket and breaks it over his knee.
• The Diamondbacks: I’d be fine with Mr. Met dressed as a snake charmer, maybe playing a flute at Ian Kennedy or something..
• The Giants: Mr. Met and the Beanstalk.  Mr. Met dreams of planting seeds in the pitcher’s mound that grows into a huge beanstalk.  He grabs a bat and starts climbing…
• The Dodgers:  Mr. Met is standing at the corner of Sullivan & McKeever in Brooklyn and he’s disappointed when they don’t show up.  I bet Mr. Wilpon will love this one.
• The Yankees:  There should be a few for the subway series.  One of them should be Mr. Met receiving an award for being the BEST baseball mascot in NY.  Another one could be Mr. Met sneaking a plaque of himself into Monument Park.  Maybe another having some Mets fans and Yankee fans on the subway getting into a scuffle.. SUPER MR. MET arrives and breaks up the fight.  Then ushers the Yankee fans off the subway.
• The Cubs:  Gotta be Mr. Met walking a goat back and forth in front of Wrigley Field.
• The Pirates: Mr. Met, eye patch in all, stands up in the crow’s nest of a pirate ship, looks through a telescope to see Three Rivers Stadium, Pirate Parrot, or Captain Jolly Roger in the distance..  He raises his bat and signals the attack.. (I’d think of something better, but come on… it’s the Pirates)
• The Brewers:  Mr. Met installs a jumbo yellow spiral slide that empties into the Hudson River.    Or better yet.. .Mr. Met is the referee in what appears to be a knock off Sausage Dog race.  He sounds the starter pistol and the race begins.  The Sausages begin to run only to realize they’re being chased by hot dog eating champion Joey Chestnut.
• The Angels:  Mr. Met is the welcoming committee for the Angels.  He sets up a red and white sign that says “WELCOME CALIFORNIA ANGELS”  Angel Pagan comes out and says “no no that’s not right.”  Cut back to Mr. Met and a red and white sign that says “WELCOME ANAHEIM ANGELS”  back to Angel Pagan who says “Still no good.”  Cut back to Mr. Met building a sign that says “WELCOME LOS ANGELES ANGELS OF AN…” (he runs out of room)  Cut to Angel Pagan who just shakes his head.. Then he looks up and smiles and says “Yeah!  That’s right”  Cut back to Mr. Met standing in front of a blue and orange sign that says “Lets Go Angel!”
• The Athletics: Mr. Met sitting on top of a white elephant either going through the Lincoln Tunnel or over the George Washington Bridge… In a sense riding the elephant out of town. (Lame, but I’m also not getting paid for this)
• The Rangers:  Mr. Met in a Walker Texas Ranger Spoof commercial..  Rescuing a cat from a tree.  Chasing down a fleeing criminal..  Riding a mechanical bull.. etc..
• The Tigers:  Mr. Met stands in Safari gear holding a whip in one hand and a piece of raw meat in another.  He dangles the raw meat over a hole with a sign that says “bottomless pit”  He throws the meat into the hole.
• The Cardinals:  Mr. Met sets up a bird feeder. He hides patiently behind a bush.  All of a sudden a few cardinals show to dine.  Mr. Met jumps out from behind the bush with an air horn and blasts them.
• The Reds: I want a Mr. Met - Mr. Red staring contest.. no words.. no music.. only a Mets vs. reds graphic.  I mean it’s like he’s looking in a turn of the century mirror.
• The Padres:  Mr. Met takes batting practice and instead of hitting baseballs, he is pitched rubber chickens. Reminding the padres fans that the Chicken mascot that technically isn’t theirs is much better than a “Swinging Friar.” 

I think that covers all the opponents for the 2011 season. Obviously some are better than others.  And there doesn’t necessarily need to be one for EVERY team, maybe just division rivals or teams played more than once throughout the season.  The point is that the Mets really have something great with their fun loving, always smiling mascot Mr. Met and they really should capitalize on it.  Make him as cocky as possible.  It could really be sensational, but then again, I don’t run things.  I’m not in a position to make these commercial spots happen.  I’m just your average Mets fan desperately looking for some spark in this organization.  Especially if there’s no guarantee that this spark will come from the on field performances.

Brad is a letter carrier for the United States Postal Service.  When he’s not delivering your mail he’s an avid Mets fan and a borderline Beatlemaniac.  Followers accepted @BlueandOrange.