Tuesday, July 10, 2007

HOME RUN DERBY.

So this All Star thing is still New To Me. In 2005, completely off my radar. In 2006, I kind of sort of got it, but not really. I knew there was No Baseball and that the Mets were picked for the team, but the Home Run Derby? And then I had a friend visiting from overseas and she needed to go to JFK, so we drove her. This was pre-DVR, so TBF had to set up the VCR to tape the Derby. Even then, when we came home from the airport, it was more along the lines of “Well, let’s just see what’s going on” and we turned on the TV and—
“DAVID WRIGHT HAS 25 HOME RUNS?!!?”

This year is different. This year is me bitching when TBF calls me at lunch because has a last-minute dinner date with his father, and thus I would have a delay in getting my Home Run Derby fix on. He gets home by 8:45 and we immediately start watching the taped proceedings. I love San Francisco. I miss the West Coast, just a little bit. I can’t wait to go there to see a baseball game.

The sight of Adam Duritz and Counting Crows with smoke and fireworks going off behind them is hysterical. If there is a band that could possibly be less smoke and fireworks, it is Counting Crows - who I do not like very much, but respect greatly, and at least they don’t suck. Their band is on a tour of minor league baseball parks this summer. And, at least they are very, very local.

The band finishes, and now we are treated to shots of the crowd entering the ballpark. I see a little girl walk through the turnstiles with a pink baseball glove.  I am suddenly seized with a desire I did not know I had.
“I want a pink glove.”
“I didn’t know if you wanted a glove. We could get you one, we could play catch.”
“I want a PINK glove. Do you think they make them in my size??”
“We’ll get you a glove.”

[I realize this may seem slightly hypocritical, but as Whitman said, “Do I contradict myself? Well, then, I contradict myself. I am large, I contain multitudes.”]

Overhead shot: McCovey Cove looks like a freaking flotilla. It’s a log jam. You could walk across the watercraft and catch yourself a home run. Memo to ESPN: Kevin Burkhardt already did the ‘color guy in the kayak’ thing, and did it much, much better with far less material to work with.

It all looks wonderful and festive and TBF has that wistful look in his eye, and I know, because I wish we were there too, and I tried talking about it and got the “We’ll go when it comes to Citi Field” response. But looking at him now makes me wish I had taken things into my own hands (like with Spring Training) and just said, “We’re going.”

The derby begins. Justin Morneau, who we quite like, has the misfortune to go up first. I am happy for the Twins fans no matter what.

Matt Holliday comes up.
“Do you know what he uses when he comes up to bat?” TBF asks me.
“Let me guess - ‘Holiday’ by Madonna?”
“That’s right. It’s not a very macho song, though.”
“He plays for Major League Baseball, he’s macho enough.”
“And it’s better than the other 12 other guys that use ‘This Is Why I’m Hot’.”

A jump cut to Jose Reyes sitting on the field with his daughter, who appears to be ambivalent about being there. But it is SO cute. And it’s very nice that he brought his daughter, since more guys seem to bring their sons, or their sons get the most TV time when they are there.

I peruse pink baseball gloves online.

As Peter Gammons takes up valuable time interviewing Barry Bonds, I consider my reaction to the fact (which I just realized) that he is not going to be participating in this. I mean, on some level, what is the point of having the Home Run Derby at AT&T Park if the guy who is *currently* most known for hitting home runs out of it is not participating? I mean, I am quite sure that much of America, the people who do not have a live RSS feed froM CNN on their desktop, were flipping through the TV Guide and said, “Wow, Home Run Derby in San Francisco! Let’s watch Barry Bonds hit some home runs.” And the whole “I am going to party with Jay-Z” is crap, because he was THERE, yakking to A-rod for about six hours.  I would almost buy the whole “I am old and tired blah blah blah” but IT’S AT AT&T PARK! IT’S IN SAN FRANCISCO! A lot of the people there are Giants fans!

And so it went for the rest of the evening. I now understand TBF’s reaction to Chris Berman, because I dearly wanted to hit the MUTE button for more reasons than that confounded McDonald’s commercial. I liked watching the home runs and the fans and the players with their video cameras and kids and best friends.  I really liked that the two guys at the end were not named Albert Pujols. But I like some of David Wright’s suggestions for making it more challenging and more television friendly, because by the end of the thing, I was just a wee bit tired - and I may have just been a wee bit tired, but reading around the internets leads me to believe I am not the only one who felt this way.

But I’m *really* excited for the All-Star Game tonight. All I have to say is, TREVOR HOFFMAN, DO NOT F THIS ONE UP THIS YEAR.