Tuesday, August 28, 2007
TAKE A LONG WALK OFF A SHORT PIER.
I have nothing but bad things to say about the Philadelphia Phillies. I hate Chase Utley, I have nothing but invective to cast in the direction of Brett Myers, I think Shane Victorino could play a serial killer in any Hollywood movie—shall I go on? Please, go take a wrong turn in Camden, or go throw yourselves collectively off the Ben Franklin Bridge.
(A note: I realize the bridge that is most proximate to CBP is the Walt Whitman. I would not want to sully that fine bridge, and the fact that it was named after a POET, with the demise of the Phillies.)
Now that I have alienated all of my friends who admire the Phillies, let us move on to the New York Mets. I seem to be the only person on Planet Earth who saw Brian Lawrence in the lineup for last night’s game and didn’t think that the Mets were going to get ABSOLUTELY AND COMPLETELY CLOBBERED. It doesn’t matter who they had pitching; you could take the guy who takes money for parking at CBP and put him on the mound and I guarantee you that he will look like an ACE.
I blame the entire evening, however, on TBF, who sat himself on the couch and proclaimed that this was going to be “an old-fashioned blowout, 11-5 Mets.” Um, HELLO?
We just stopped watching at one point. And then we would feel bad, and unworthy, and turn it back on, only for me to yell, “WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?” and TBF would turn it off, and then we’d skulk off to our respective corners. Just about the time that the cat would think it was safe for him to resume his position underneath the coffee table, one of us would turn on the TV again. The only bright sign during the entire game was when we’d get a shot of the out-of-town scoreboard in the outfield and see the Tigers continuing their rout of that Other New York Team.
I’m just going to put up the crabby sign and go back to work. See you at the Blind Pig tonight for Zoe’s Mets-blogger-and-other group therapy session?
Posted by Caryn at 02:41 PM
The Phillies are trying to steal the Mets’ lead just like they stole our poet to name that bridge.
Whitman is from LINY and went to school in Brooklyn! The Phillies are evil to the core.
I carried a giant ball of hatred in my heart for the Mets ever since 1986 and the soul-crushing NLCS that broke my little heart (remember- I grew up in Houston). This year is the first year I actually don’t hate the Mets- which is odd, considering the post I’m commenting on!
Seriously- how do you hate Chase Utley? I figure he’s like chocolate chip cookies- sweet and yummy and delicious, and NOBODY hates chocolate chip cookies. I don’t get Shane- he’s such a gamer- but I really don’t get Chutley. He’s just so… nice. It’s like- how can anyone hate David Wright? He’s just so… nice.
Myers- I get. I hate him too, and yet I love him. Much like a certain orange-and-blue catcher who is fond of age-inappropriate females, sometimes you have to love them on the diamond and hate them off of it, I guess.
You cannot, cannot, CANNOT compare what Brett Myers did to LoDuca. Cannot. cannot.
Cannot.
They’re not even related. Beating the crap out of your wife on a regular basis and dating a 19 year old? Um, no.
Wasn’t trying to compare them- but that’s the closest to bad behavior I could come up with on your roster. You have too many nice guys.
Okay. I think Chutley is hot shit on the diamond. Seriously.
but i think he’s - smarmy? Am I wrong?
I didn’t think you would be, but people DO make that comparison all the time.
Go Google Mike DeFelice. that’ll do ya. I’ll be elitist and say, ‘i don’t consider him a met’ but he is wearing the uniform.
and i should have said that I do like Jamie Moyer. But that has nothing to do with him being a Phillie and everything to do with him having been a Mariner.
Hmmm. Smarmy. I’m admittedly biased, but… hmmm. Pat Burrell is smarm personified. Jayson Werth is creepy smarmy. Even my darling Aaron Rowand can project smarm at times- but Chutley? Let me think on that. Maybe he’s like Jose Reyes is for me- awesome guy, easy on the eyes, but gives off a slightly smarmy vibe (and I’m guessing gives off no such smarm vibe to Metsheads).
And with Shane- it’s the hula skirt, isn’t it?
Yeah- you’ll NEVER hear that comparison from me. Ask my Philly buddy with whom I got in the one and only fight I’ve ever been in with her over stupid Brett Myers one night at a bar, because he pisses me off so much. I find nothing forgivable about what he did. I find it completely and utterly repugnant.
Don’t ask me how I reconcile that with rooting for him to close games for us. I don’t know that I can. Sigh.
Grandpa Jamie! I find him to be an attractive man. Plus, he wears his pants the right way- he’s the only one on the team that does.
It’s the Metsgrrl and Texy show! Call in now with your questions.
Shane - there’s a photo on my game writeup of the July series where he looks like he’s about to take out a machete and cut your head off.
As for Brett Myers - it’s kind of like me reconciling being a feminist with being a diehard Rolling Stones fan. Kind of. I don’t know what I would do if someone like Brett Myers was on the Mets. I’d have a huge problem.
It’s astounding to me you’d find Reyes smarmy because he hasn’t been around long enough to have any artifice. I could see, tho, from the outside, that it might look that way. So yeah, maybe that’s why I find Chutley smarmy.
And Jamie Moyer and Peter Buck could be twins separated at birth.
The Phillies are trying to steal the Mets’ lead just like they stole our poet to name that bridge.
Whitman is from LINY and went to school in Brooklyn! The Phillies are evil to the core.